Well, before I share my dislike for the gaming industry, I need to mention that I have been playing video games for years myself. I am not just someone saying things and not having experienced them myself.
I have played a few more disturbing games before I came back to Christ, and then more recently, His Church.
One was back in the 90's, called,'Phantasmagoria'. It was one of the first of the 'survival style' games for the PC, where in these, you, as the character, must do all he/she can to survive.
This game was extremely gorey, and to this day, some of it haunts me. I didn't even own it-it was someone merely showing it to me.

Slightly further down the road, and you have things like Resident Evil, with some groundbreaking lighting and screen angles. And even that was a little more tolerable than some of what is coming out now.
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Yes, I mean what I say above, but I mean it ego wise.
This is because my art and attitude is something that has been my 'teeth', or rather, my way of feeling worthy in many instances. God is removing some of these teeth, rendering me more helpless. But also, making me having to depend on Him more, which is the whole idea here. God knows what He is doing.

My art started with pretty ladies, which became erotica and some blood and horror cross-overs as a teen and early 20's. Then I redidcated my walk to God, and tried hard to change my artwork along with it.
Something was missing though-and my work didn't feel or look right to me. I was capturing Christ in a comic book way-even drew him with black and white stockings on under his gown to appear a bit comfy for the Gothic scene. I made things this way at the time, because I didn't have the last puzzle piece.
Naturally, God could not progress what I was doing because it was not a)reverant and b) my soul wasn't reconciled with the One True Faith. I didn't know what it was at the time, but it made me thoroughly miserable.
So, I just kinda did my best, still making pretty laides and what not, when I began to capture faery art when I started selling on ebay about 2 years ago.
I love fashion so that was mixed in, but I didn't really get alot of attention and buyers.
Then I came back to the Catholic Church, and things steadily changed inside me, and I could not justify my faeries anymore. There were way too many new age/pagan/wicca types who liked what I was doing to keep producing them. I still sell prints in my store, but who knows if those will go too.

So, after I could really feel the tug in my spirit to let the faeries go(which was hard, cause alot sell on ebay and I could use the money), I got a great idea for a pic I plan on making. Mind you, it probably won't go over too well with some people, but I want to do it anyway.
It will be a pretty, european forest area, where the Blessed Mother is seated with the Christ Child on Her knee. She is looking demure and lovely as always, and all around her, faeries and other fantasy wood folk are shielding their eyes in pain and running away. I find this both funny and wonderful to think the obvious concept could be shown that God's world and fantasy worlds do not fully intersect. The Blessed Mother and faeries do not hang out! lol. The Truth and fiction shouldn't hang out either, so I plan on taking the plunge and making this piece.
I am also currently working on a small piece with a faery holding a sign that says,'I don't exist', with a small fantasy creature next to her that says, 'neither do I'. People have gotten so into these faeries, magazines and every type of item has been made into faery theme. It truly has become idolitry. And I have had plenty of my own idols in my lifetime so far, I know what idolitry looks like.
One very noteable artist who makes pagan and many well selling faery works has her working in more and more stores as time goes on. But my theory, as my husband mentioned, is it will die out, and hard sometime soon. Sure, there will be the people who never leave the theme, mostly perhaps pagans, but people get tired of too much of anything!
My desire for personal variety in my art makes this a good thing then. Time to move on, trust God, and with my fantasy work, find more suitable themes. I am simply trying to follow Tolkien's footsteps, and make illustrations of myth, with a Catholic backbone. Not make anything that makes people aroused or full of idol worship.
Man, if only my old self heard me now-lol!
-C

Ok,
It's been a long time since I updated this, but it's high time I did.
Sometimes, this journal is used for rants, that I do hope an occassional Catholic will comment on(makes me feel a little less solitary). Other times, it's the only place I can share my deepest spiritual and emotional changes as I walk onward with my Catholic faith.
Being a revert and being a very artistic and outgoing type can make for a strange and difficult transition to get to know some of those who share the faith. But I pray that will change.

As for the title there, I recently read a small book by Fr. Paul O Sullivan called,' The Holy Spirit-Our Greatest Friend'. And it really was a wake-up call for my relationship with The Holy Spirit.
When I was a protestant, there was so much emphasis on The Holy Spirit, but it was in a much more different sense. There were people laying hands on the audience/congregation, some who would get words from The Spirit, and the usual protestant evangelical stuff.
But no matter how 'high' I got at church then, I was still going back to what felt like a very unhappy place when I was back home. I was depressed and unfulfilled and thought there was something wrong with me, or my prayers. I know now, it was because a)I needed to return to the One True Faith and Church and b) I needed to re-embrace The Holy Ghost from a totally Catholic perspective and heart.

And what a world has opened up to me.

I was crestfallen that I had negelected His Precious Spirit so very long. Now, I am certain to pray and speak with Him OFTEN. I do love Him so much, and now feel so much more love than ever before, and more understanding of His ways. I sense how much He needs me, and I Him, which soothes my heart. I tend to need alot of love, so Who better to share Him constant love and guidance.

I guess in a sense, I am again, re-falling in love with Christ, Our Father and His Holy Spirit. His Spirit is far sweeter, far more adorable and beautiful than I ever understood until recent days. I can even sense it as I type this very sentence. It is amazing.

With these changes come cutting off more of my limbs-spiritually. I have to prune, and could do even more if I wasn't so scared, which makes me feel foolish and childish and without enough trust of God's Mercy. :(
I say this because I have always been a big show off/ham/actress/theatrical type of person. For years, I have loved and sought the lime light, and wanted to have people look at me. I have loved being and looking different, and knowing other people were desirous of me, even when I was in a serious relationship. I had not other intentions with them, just wanted to be looked at as attractive and wonderful in some way.

But now I am covering up, hearing the Blessed Mother in my heart and ear, and following meekness. I see on tv and in older things I watch, what used to look glamourous,sexy and powerful, now looking like tinsel. Something shiny, but as empty as can be.
It is to be noted this is a marked difference in my old ways of acting and things I used to love. I would even reherse my 'attitude' when I thought people would be watching-which would make people laugh and welcome my company. Now, I am paying to the Holy Spirit and blessed Saints so much, the old ways don't do it for me anymore. My insides get 'sad' for the lack of a better term, and it's not fun anymore.
With this, comes memories, and I get sadder still. I cry because I am losing a limb to seeing things in a new way, and even though it will no longer allow me to grow in Christ, it hurts when it's cut away.

To follow Christ is to let these pieces of what you 'think' are you go, and it hurts to erode the things you used to use as safety and security. The old ways don't feel right, and the Holy Spirit shows me how rediculous they are.

Mind you, I am still silly, but my hamminess is for God first. I have no need of showing off when I am loved so unconditionally by Christ, His Father God and His Precious Holy Spirit. Why show off to anyone anymore? Still, if feels weird, because for years, it was a powerful potion.

Now there is a fine line between my artsy self and the less needed self. My heart longs for Christ-I need Him most. If I dressed up and walked around hooting and howling for attention like I used to, I would feel depressed before I was even ready to go out. I would feel like God was displeased with me, because I was embracing such a distraction.
No one knows more than me how odd that sounds, but when you pursue the Catholic Faith, and you want to walk as Saints walked, you begin to see things in hindsight farrrr clearer than ever before.

My latest struggle is to be human and live in this body, yet wish I was done with it. Sometimes, it makes being spiritually minded tough.
-C